Sweet misery


English: Welcome sign at Owen Roberts Internat...
English: Welcome sign at Owen Roberts International Airport in George Town, Grand Cayman Island (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: Cayman Islands National Museum in Geo...
English: Cayman Islands National Museum in George Town, Grand Cayman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)
Cayman Islands
Cayman Islands (Photo credit: caribb)

Dear Pastor,

You are doing an excellent job and I trust your advice. I am a 41-year-old female and I just want you to publish this letter so that everyone will be very careful of the people that they meet on dating sites.

Over a year ago, I met a man on a popular dating site. He convinced me that he too was single. He was so persistent that I gave in because I was really impressed with all the attention he showed me. Two weeks after, we met in person and he told me that because of his job he was going away for two weeks on job training, so I could only message him on BBM. He said he was not allowed to use his phone while training, so I couldn’t call him. I believed him and I never called him. I only messaged him.

After the two weeks, he returned and I had no reason to doubt that he wasn’t where he said he was. He was so loving and caring. I felt so blessed to have met him. His phone was always locked. I never fussed with him to remove the lock, but one night he came home half drunk and he forgot to lock his phone. I went through it and I nearly fainted. I check his chat history, and as am sitting here writing, I am crying because this man had two other women and I had no idea that he was involved with someone.

I began to chat with two of them and one of them knew about me. She even knew my name but the other woman is in Cayman. When I called her on his phone, she was so upset. I never slept that night. In the morning when he woke up, I confronted him. The lady who knew about me told me that the two weeks when he said he was in training and couldn’t take any calls was because he was in Cayman with the woman.

I spoke to him about everything because I wanted to end the relationship and he started to cry. He said that he was sorry and he would do anything for me not to end the relationship. I told him he should call the woman in Cayman and put his phone on speaker and tell her its over and that I am the one he wanted. He did exactly that. I wasn’t elated or anything because she sounded hurt and I didn’t want my happiness to be at the cost of someone else’s unhappiness.

The truth is that the two of us are victims of this man. The third lady who told me that he went to Cayman was just in it for the sex because she was married, but her husband lived abroad. After all his unfaithfulness, I remain with this man because I loved him with all my heart.

I forgave him and I asked him to do an HIV test and he did. It was negative and we settled down in a normal relationship or so I thought, not knowing that the worst was yet to come. He was living with his mother but he spent a lot of time at my house. I cooked, I washed for him and I treated him like a husband. When he was at work, I cooked for him and took his meals to him because he doesn’t eat meat.

One day I cooked and I took it to my workplace and told him to come for his and when he came, the first thing I saw was a ring on his married finger. I grabbed his hand and took off the ring. I ran in the bathroom and when I looked inside the ring, his initials were in it along with another initial. And the hurtful truth came to me that he was married. I went back outside and with as much courage as I could manage I returned the ring to him and he drove off.

Pastor, when I returned to work, I couldn’t do anything. I was feeling very ill. I knew I should go to see a doctor but I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I was so hurt and broken hearted, I had to call a cab. When I went home, as soon as I was alone, I cried until my head and eyes hurt badly. He came to my house that same night and what he told me hurt me more than ever. He told me that when we met online he was already engaged to be married but he had lied to me about being single, because if he had told me the truth I wouldn’t be with him. He was right. I would never enter into a relationship with a man who I know is already with someone, even when I was younger I wouldn’t do it much less now.

Pastor, please I don’t understand why I forgave this man again. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I can’t seem to let go off this man. When he is not with me, I can’t sleep or eat and I become miserable. He lies to his wife and says that he is going to sleep at his mother’s house and he would come to sleep at my house.

I have a son and I would like to have another child before it is too late but I can’t make up my mind to have a child by him. I know that he is married and he hasn’t got any kids as yet and it has been two years. Now he is pressuring me to come off the Pill and get pregnant for him.

I went to the doctor and I did a check up and he said he saw no health reason why I couldn’t get pregnant. I am in a good job and I could support my child if I have to alone but I am afraid of taking that step and regretting it. This man has caused me so much pain and he told me so many lies. I am confused and I don’t know what to do.

S.D.

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