Tag Archives: Divorce

Viagra And Divorce: Is There A Link?

VIAGRA ВІАГра (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
viagra is a commercial produced medicine conta...
viagra is a commercial produced medicine containing Sildenafil citrate, which is used to treat male erectile dysfunction and pulmonary arterial hypertension. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Ritalin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you aren’t having sex with your husband and yet your medication list at the pharmacy (or on your health insurance records) indicates that your spouse is taking erectile dysfunction pills such as Viagra, chances are he may be cheating.

Conversely, if you can’t keep up in the bedroom since your husband started taking Viagra, you are also at risk. Many fifty- and sixty-something couples are finding that this “sex enhancing” drug has made them sexually incompatible.

Is Viagra causing a divorce boom?

In a USA Today article from March 2001, Karen S. Peterson shed light on how Viagra causes marital discord: “As the prescription drug energizes tens of thousands of couples, it also destabilizes others,” she wrote. She goes on to quote a divorce lawyer, Dominic Barbara, who said that Viagra was causing a new type of infidelity. “[There are] cases of men taking Viagra, but their wives were no longer interested in sex. And now, a lot of middle-aged women are having affairs with older men who were impotent before there was Viagra,” Barbara explained.

And in 2004, the BBC reported on an unnamed British woman in her mid fifties who divorced her husband over Viagra, claiming that he became sexually aggressive and overly sexualized, which led to the deterioration of their marriage.

Nobody is claiming that Viagra is the sole cause of affairs or divorce. But increasingly, it is a factor in both, said Barbara. In the USA Today story, he says that in about one of every 15 to 20 new divorce cases, someone mentions Viagra.

Experts from Harvard University agree that Viagra can lead to divorce. In a report entitled “Sexuality at Midlife and Beyond,” they suggest that problems are especially likely to occur when a man takes the drug without informing his partner. The subsequent rise in love-making ability, accompanied by high self-esteem, may take his lover by surprise. And if sex was infrequent before, the dynamic of the relationship will shift and the woman may be uncomfortable with this change. A breakup or divorce may result.

The moral of the story?

One of the side effects listed after “may cause an erection that can last for up to 48 hours” should be “increased risk of divorce”. Unfortunately, the FDA isn’t obligated to list emotional side effects in its warnings to consumers.

Divorce Causes: 23 Reasons Marriages End In Divorce, According To Divorced People

English: Studio publicity portrait of Paul New...
English: Studio publicity portrait of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Kim Kardashian at the Seventh Annual Hollywood...
Kim Kardashian at the Seventh Annual Hollywood Life Magazine Awards. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Why do some marriages last a lifetime, while some end in divorce? For every pair of marriage lifers (think Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward), there’s a couple like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, barely making it through two months. Why, though? Are there some behaviors that are just universally destructive to a marriage?

On Wednesday, we asked our followers on Facebook and Twitter to share with us the reasons they think marriages end in divorce.

The responses ranged from a lack of sex, to a lack of positive interaction — one reader even devised a formula: according to him, if there are less than five positive interactions for every one negative interaction, you’re in trouble.

Click through the slideshow below to read the responses, then head to the comments to tell us why you think marriages end in divorce.

Marriages End Because…
17 of 24

“In my case,the person I married was not the person he claimed to be. Only when the mask fell did I realize I was in trouble.”
– @big_red_flag

Going To Bat For Your Ex? Why?

Divorce (Photo credit: StephenMcleod – International Man of Mystery)
Divorce Your Speed
Divorce Your Speed (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Photo taken by me as an example of a stay at h...
Photo taken by me as an example of a stay at home dad and kids. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Fox Hollies Children's Centre and Hall Green C...
Fox Hollies Children’s Centre and Hall Green Children’s Centre – sign – children’s safety (Photo credit: ell brown)

Befriending Your Ex After Divorce: Making Life Better for You, Your Kids and Yes, Your Ex. Someone called in and in an irate voice asked: “Befriend your ex? Why? What if you hate your ex? What if your ex hates you? What if you were betrayed and cheated on? What if your ex was verbally abusive to you?”

I paused. I took a deep breath. And I wondered what to say.

I understand how angry people can feel in the midst of a divorce, how vicious they can behave when they feel hated, betrayed and cheated. Because when I got divorced, I shared many of those sentiments. I was angry, hurt, resentful and disappointed, not only with my ex, but with myself. In my mind, I had failed at one of the biggest commitments of my life: marriage.

When I became a parent, I believed I would be there for my children forever. I would do everything possible to create a good environment for them. And I knew that getting divorced would disrupt my childrens’ lives; there was no getting away from that. Although I vowed I would be there forever for them, after divorce I found myself with an ex who I didn’t particularly care for. Who I didn’t want a lot to do with. But I knew that children do better when they have two involved parents. So even though we were divorced, my ex would be in my life forever.

In listening to my irate caller, I was torn about how to respond. Although I understood that his emotional response was normal, I have learned one of the very difficult lessons of divorce: a divorced parent’s responsibilities include not only being the best parent, but keeping the other parent in the loop. This translates into helping your ex be the best parent he or she can be — even though, especially in the beginning of my divorce, I’d have preferred if my ex had moved to Mars.

Helping my ex be the best parent he could be? Let me tell you exactly what that meant.

It meant prioritizing my children’s well being. I didn’t have to love or like their father, but I had to respect the significance he had and should have in the rest of their lives.
It meant moving over, making room for his way of being.
It meant being gentle.
It meant letting go of all that happened in our marriage.
It meant creating a new relationship centered solely on co-parenting.
It meant letting go of old scripts, tapes, internalized messages.
One incident early in my divorce stands out. I’d been divorced about a year when my 13-year-old son had a terrible blow up with his father. My son had been sleeping at my ex’s house and during this fight, came running over to my house, crying. Part of me felt tickled that my son saw how angry his dad was. I might have even felt a sense of vengeful satisfaction; now my ex would have to admit he couldn’t manage his temper — something I’d told him for years!
But another part of me saw how upset my son was, being at odds with his dad. And my intuition led me to help my son and his dad repair their relationship. My words were deliberate:

Zach, just because your dad blew up doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He does. He just can get really angry sometimes. And sometimes we all get angry — too angry. It’s not a good thing but he’s your dad and he loves you.

Even though we were divorced, I went to bat for my ex. I tried to hold in my mind the mantra: Children benefit when they have two involved parents. I tried to treat my ex as I would have if we were still married — with compassion and forgiveness. I know it sounds difficult and maybe flies in the face of what you have been led to believe about how to treat someone who has hurt you deeply, but that is what came to me in that moment.

Comforting my son was first on my agenda. Then I called my ex. I invited him over to my house and when he came in, he apologized for losing it. Eventually, I left the room so he and my son could reconcile. Later, my ex thanked me.

And in the many years that passed between that incident and his death just last year, my ex referred back to that moment frequently.

Perhaps that moment was a turning point, because in the decades that followed, my ex went to bat for me in so many profound and significant ways — sometimes concretely, at other times, emotionally: helping me negotiate with a slippery car salesman, helping me straighten out my mother’s finances when she was diagnosed with dementia, comforting me when our daughter moved to California and I felt bereft, and later on, when my second husband was diagnosed with cancer.

So back to the caller, who wanted to know: why befriend someone you can’t stand?

I told him my answer is both simple and complex. Children need two parents. Your ex may have been an unsuitable mate but still can be a good parent. Helping your ex be the best parent he or she can be will benefit your child and ultimately may benefit you as well. Your mandate now is not only to be a good parent, but to help your child have two loving and involved parents. And even though you and your ex may have failed at your marriage, you can succeed now, and build a strong “after-divorce” family.

Divorce Causes: A Rising Number Of Divorces Are Being Blamed On Wives’ Drinking, Says UK Lawyer

A Kranz (wreath) of Kölsch beer.
A Kranz (wreath) of Kölsch beer. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Divorce Busting
Divorce Busting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
McAlister dedication_9504
McAlister dedication_9504 (Photo credit: Tulane Publications)

A growing number of Brits are citing alcohol as a contributing factor in their divorces — and it’s the wives who have the drinking problem in the majority of the cases, according to one divorce attorney.

Family law attorney Amanda McAlister told the Daily Mail Wednesday that she sees 40 to 50 divorce cases every year where drinking played a part in the marital breakdown. By her calculations, the number of men citing alcohol as a cause in these cases has risen by 70 percent in the last five years.

“Husbands will often initially cite a different reason for divorce, such as that their wife doesn’t work or help around the house,” McAlister told the newspaper. “It only later comes to light that the reason she’s not doing so is because she’s often drunk or nursing a hangover.”

It’s not the first time the link between drinking and divorce has been in the news as of late. In February 2013, researchers from the Norwegian Institute of Public Health found that heavy drinking and incompatible drinking — where one spouse consumes far more alcohol than the other — increase the chance of divorce. The risk of divorce was especially high when the wife was the one imbibing.

Click through the slideshow below to see how our readers said drinking affected their marriages, then head to the comments to share your experiences.

Divorce Or Stay? Parents Must Put Kids First Either Way

Embarrassing parents - swan duckling
Embarrassing parents – swan duckling (Photo credit: @Doug88888)
Marriage March 2013
Marriage March 2013 (Photo credit: American Life League)
Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

Stay together for the sake of the kids? Generations of miserable parents followed that advice, hoping their sacrifices would pay off for their children in the end. Many still believe that it’s the only option for parents stuck in a dead-end marriage.

Based on my own personal experience, I have another perspective. Having been raised by parents that chose to stay together in a miserable marriage, I opt in on the other side. For me, parental divorce is preferable to years of living in a home where parents fight, disrespect one another and children are surrounded by sadness and anger. That’s the world I grew up in and the scars are still with me today, many decades later.

I believe that staying in a marriage only for the kids is a physical choice that doesn’t touch upon the emotional and psychological pain children endure when their parents are a couple in name only. In that environment, there is no positive role model for children to see how marriage can and should be lived. In fact, it makes marriage appear to be something dreaded or to be avoided.

Happiness, harmony, cooperation, respect and joy are all absent when parents are emotionally divorced while still living together. Children feel it, are confused by it and too often blame themselves for their parents’ unhappiness. Consequently, they grow up anxious and guilt-ridden, experiencing little peace in childhood. In many ways, the scars are much the same as for children who experience a poorly handled divorce.

In my opinion, parents who find themselves in an ongoing unhappy marriage who consciously choose to create a child-centered divorce are providing a much better option and outcome for everyone in the family.

My own parents should have divorced early in their marriage. They were both miserable together, had little respect for one another, and raised two children in a home fraught with anger, tension, frequent loud arguments and discord.

I remember my mother asking me one day whether she should divorce Dad. “No,” I cried. I wanted a Mom and a Dad like all the other kids. Although my childhood was miserable and filled with insecurity, I feared what life would be like if my parents were divorced. Mom didn’t have the courage to do it anyway. Those were vastly different times, especially for women, and she continued in her unhappy marriage for decades longer.

Today, looking back, I feel that was an unfortunate mistake. Neither of my parents were bad people. They were both just totally mismatched in a bad marriage. Their communication skills were miserably lacking and they were wrapped up in winning every battle at all costs. The real cost, of course, was the well-being of their children. I believe that each of my parents would have been happier and more fulfilled had they parted ways and remained single or chosen another partner.

That’s why I chose the other route when my own marriage was failing. Because of my childhood experiences, however, I intuitively understood what not to do in divorce. I intentionally worked to create what I call a child-centered divorce. My “was-band” and I co-parented cooperatively, shared the important parenting decisions and maintained a positive relationship for the decade to follow when my son grew from ten to twenty years old. Most gratifying for me was the satisfaction of having my now adult son acknowledge the merits of my co-parenting philosophy and choices.

More than a decade after my divorce, I wrote the book that shared my unique approach to breaking the divorce news to my son. As a grown adult, he is a strong supporter of my child-centered divorce network and wrote the forward to my digital guidebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love!

Fortunately, despite my painful childhood, I still believe in marriage and have since happily remarried myself. My advice to unhappily married parents can be summed up succinctly:

If parents have the maturity and determination to get professional assistance before divorce, learn how to positively reconnect and renew their commitment to marriage, that is undeniably ideal. The entire family will benefit and the healing will be a blessing to all.

However, if children are being raised in a war zone or in the silence and apathy of a dead marriage, divorce may open the door to a healthier, happier future for parents and children alike. But parental divorce in itself is never a solution. To give children the best outcome parents must consciously work on creating a cooperative child-centered divorce that puts the children’s psychological well-being first as the basis for all parenting decisions!

Divorce Rate drop.

Divorce Your Speed
Image via Wikipedia

Do you know why the Divorce Rate Drop to it’s lowest for 35 years.
It’s not because of Family Values, but because most of us cannot afford the cost and what comes next with it.
Therefore we rather sit tight and take the rough with the smooth especially if our kids are young.
And no one really want to loose their hard earn possession to anyone else.
Let’s no begin to think that the Government bribe is working.

Now on to the Cage Fighter.

Image by john-godwin.co.uk via Flickr

As the story goes, the Law has a mind of it’s own because I taught by now Alex Reid would have given up and vacate Jordan‘s mansion, instead he is still hanging on.
He is a man in desperation, a man who will do anything to steal from his ex-partner.
If Alex is any man of such he would put his tail between his legs and move on, why does guys like those without ambition have to exist amongst honest decent men.